Master Your Bliss Life

Narrator: 

You’re listening to Master Your Bliss Life. Join Kiera Masters and Lia Bliss as they dive into the magical, mysterious, and mundane elements of life, helping you to master your purpose and find your bliss.

Lia:

Sometimes we get talking too much and then we’re like wait we have to record this.

Kiera:

Oh crap.

Lia:

Oh no. Talking about beautiful…

Kiera:

Yes, we are talking about beautiful children.

Lia:

Beautiful children. Marshall, during COVID, grew his hair out. And he’s got like the eyelashes. But so does your son.

Kiera:

Yep.

Lia:

Your son. Both of our kids have them.

Kiera:
Why do the boys get the long, beautiful eyelashes? Man, it’s like, you don’t need it. Beautiful.

Lia:

Oh my God. It’s so cute. And Marshall grew his hair out. So, it was longer than mine. It was down past his shoulders. And it’s curly, and it’s luscious, and he’s beautiful. And people all the time would be like, Oh your daughter… and I’m like, it's a son. Which was actually really cool because we got to have a lot of conversations about assuming gender. Which, whether or not, whatever your opinion is of it, it’s not nice to assume the gender of anyone. And the rule, coming from multiple transpeople that I’ve talked to that I know very, very well. Very close in my life. It’s like, you just, if you don’t know, you default to whatever they are presenting as. Right? You would not go up to a drag queen and be like, “Excuse me, sir.” Like, this person was obviously presenting as a female.

Kiera:

Female.

Lia:

It’s a ma’am. But with kids… cuz Kiera you were saying that there was a kid in your son’s daycare who has this gorgeous long, flowing, beautiful hair.

Kiera:
Yes. It’s beautiful. Beautiful child.

Lia:

And like gorgeous, long braided hair at three, like you can’t tell. You don’t know.

Kiera:
Yeah.

Lia:

So, whether or not you get it right doesn’t matter. But that’s not what this episode is about.

Kiera:
No.

Lia:

So that was a small PSA for gender identity. Everyone just be nice humans. That would be cool. Ok.

Kiera:
Yes. Nice.

Lia:

What we are going to talk about today. So I only listened to one of her podcasts and in it, the woman was talking about the emotional ladder. Which I actually have a diagram. The Ladder of Emotional Vibration. It’s called a lot of things. But we were talking about this the other day, because Kiera was having a bad day.

Kiera:

Yeah. I was.

Lia:

Like, we got on and she was like rage crying. Just off the jump.

Kiera:

Oh yeah.

Lia:

Just rage crying. Because sometimes there are things completely outside of our control. Or so it seems.

Kiera:
Yes.

Lia:

And so this ladder, basically the idea is that you can’t go from victim-mentality and a sense of powerlessness and unworthiness, up to passion and happiness and optimism. Like that’s too far. People that are like… right? It’s like when you tell a depressed person to just be happy? Like, no. That’s not how it works.

Kiera:
Yeah, you can’t do that.

Lia:

Like, you can’t just flip the switch.

Kiera:

Yeah.

Lia:

So, the idea is that you can be in depression. Which, feeling depression and being depressed are two different things. And we’re going to operate under the idea of every once in a while all of us feel a little depressed about whatever situation that’s going on.

Kiera:

Yep.

Lia:

And that’s this powerlessness, victim kind of energy that we’re carrying. The next best thing you can feel – and this sounds crazy – is anger. Because being defeated is like apathy, right?

Kiera:
Yes.

Lia:

There’s nothing I can do. It’s out of my control. I’m apathetic to it. But to get yourself out of that, you’ve got to get a little mad. You have to get a little angry. And then the next thing is…

Kiera:

You’ve sees what happens with me.

Lia:

Which is usually how it goes. We get, like I know that if I’m feeling complacent about something? Like, it’s hopeless I give up. The next best thing I can feel is angry about it. At least I’m feeling something.

Kiera:
Yes.

Lia:

What’s that mean? Tell me something that’s going to piss me off. I need to feel something.

Kiera:

Yeah.

Lia:

But really. But really. Because the next thing… because if we go from like anger up to discouragement and disappointment. Cuz now you’re not mad. Like, I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.

Kiera:

Yeah. It’s a step up.

Lia:

The worst thing that your dad can say to you, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”

Kiera:

I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. It’s funny because you talk about it as a step up, but when somebody says that to you it’s like, “Oh my gosh that’s worse.”

Lia:

It’s worse.

Kiera:

It’s worse. They’re not mad at you, they’re disappointed. Oh my God.

Lia:

But.

Kiera:

But.

Lia:

It is actually better to be in disappointment than it is to be in rage.

Kiera:
They probably already got past that rage place.

Lia:

Yes.

Kiera:

Into the disappointment stage.

Lia:

Yeah, because as a parent, like I talked to some of my friends. We were talking about parenting our children. It’s like, when you’re at the end of your rope for the day and your kids piss you off, right? You’re like, you hate your brother, right? You’re pissed. “Stop hitting your fucking brother!” But, that’s not going to do any good to yell at your kids. And so, for you to go to the next best thing which is disappointment, and to express that VS expressing anger at your kids, is going to be better. The next best thing is pessimism, irritation, or overwhelm. That’s the next best thing that you can get to, right? Because you go from being powerlessness – apparently that’s not a word I can say. Powerlessness victim, to someone who’s angry about the situation, to someone who’s disappointed and discouraged about the situation, then you’re just in like boredom, irritation, overwhelm. Like, ugh, I’m just, ugh.

Kiera:

Yeah.

Lia:

Like just blah about this. Then you can move up past that into contentment. Where it’s like, you know what? This is fine. This is fine.

Kiera:
Yeah.

Lia:

I will have hope for better, but right now this is, it’s fine.

Kiera:
It is what it is.

Lia:

It is what it is. That energy is obviously better than frustration. Right? And I think that’s the key. I think that moving from frustration to hope is the biggest flip, because once you can get past that, it’s like alright, I’ve moved myself out of rage, apathy, or whatever, up into just like… like rage apathy VS just like whatever apathy? Almost like you’re bored with it. Whatever I’m bored of this. Because then once you can flip yourself into contentment, like, I’m bored of this, but you know what? This is fine. This is ok. This is good. That opens the door for things like enthusiasm. And really, the enthusiasm for your goals. Because if you look at a goal. Let’s say, I mean we can use an easy one like fitness. We can use a harder one like a career path. But if we’re to use an easy example like, I’m overweight, I’m not happy with the way I look, I’m not happy with the way my body feels, I’m a powerless victim, I can’t control this. Then you get mad about it. You’re like, I am so fucking sick and tired of feeling like this. Of not being happy about the way that I look. About not being happy about things that are technically inside of my control. Then you move up into disappointment like, man… and that’s where…

Kiera:

Disappointed in myself.

Lia:

Yes. That’s when…

Kiera:

I could have done something about this sooner, but I haven’t.

Lia:

That’s where the “everything is your fault” comes into play. Because you went from feeling powerless to now, even though you’re disappointed, you have yourself to be disappointed in. And you’re right. I should have changed this before now I’m so disappointed. And then you get irritated with yourself like, God, why didn’t I, why am I not eating healthier? Why am I not exercising? Why am I sleeping in when I should be going to the gym? And then you can find this like body positivity and love. Like, hey you know, I’m not where I want to be, but I have the opportunity and the chance to change it, but it doesn’t impact my worth. Then you can start to find passion and enthusiasm. And like, ok I’m getting pretty fired up about this idea. Like, yeah I am going to change things. I do want to be able to walk up the stairs without getting out of breath.

Kiera:

Getting out of breath.

Lia:

I do want to be able to play with my kids and not feel overwhelmed. You know, I’m optimistic that I can make these changes. And then you move into the top one, and I didn’t make this up, but the top emotion is called bliss. It boils into everything that we ever want to talk about, which is your bliss life is joy and…

Kiera:

<inaudible>

Lia:

And freedom, and love. Right? How to master this emotional scale to get to bliss. And I wish I was in marketing, because man this is good!

Kiera:
Right?

Lia:

But moving those, that mental work. And let me tell you, you’re not going to do it all in like 20 minutes.

Kiera:

No. No, it takes time.

Lia:
This is not… It does take time. These are not steps you can take quickly.

Kiera:

I mean, it takes hours if not days to get through these steps. And weeks sometimes. It depends on what that goal is; that thing is.

Lia:

Yeah, what that thing is, or what that hard thing is. I have been in like a… I don’t normally get into like the depression level of things. Of like, unworthiness or  powerlessness. Mine usually ends… like, I’ve raised my baseline with practice, granted. With ten years of mindset intentional practice, I rarely get into this like depression, depression. But I have been lately in this like really shitty apathy. Where mostly I’ve been in like frustration or I’m impatient, I’m bored, I’m pessimistic, I’m irritated, I’m overwhelmed. And it takes… and I know for me, I don’t know about you, that I have to find something to get excited about to help me move past that.

Kiera:

Yeah.

Lia:

Because that flip from frustration to hope, it takes a goal to get you there.

Kiera:
A goal. A plan.

Lia:

It takes a goal to get you there, and then you start making the plan. And you’ve moved into hope.

Kiera:

Yeah. So we were talking about this with me because of yesterday. Part of my frustration was um, passports man.

Lia:

Passports!

Kiera:
Passports! Trying to get it renewed, there’s this whole process. Well, I mean, everybody knows. Trying to send it in. Well, since my last passport, it was my married name. I had since been divorced, changed back to my maiden name, my passport was in my married name. And I’m trying to get that all switched out, but apparently some people did some things wrong. They weren’t supposed to switch my name back to my maiden name. Because it wasn’t granted in my divorce decree.

Lia:

Yeah, it was just like…

Kiera:

It was just this whole rediculous thing that has become this big explosive… and we leave in six weeks, and I’m freaking out. So I had this thing that I just couldn’t control I was angry, I was frustrated, I was like… and then this morning I got on with here and I was like, You know, I have this idea, this is what I’m going to do. I am in a way better place. She’s like, You’ve moved to hope.

Lia:

You’ve moved to hope. Because it was rage crying. It was complete rage.

Kiera:

Oh it was bad. It was like, angry crying.

Lia:

I’m out of control. It’s the out of control feeling like, I am not in control of my situation.

Kiera:
There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do.

Lia:

There’s nothing I can do. That’s the worst feeling. There is always something you can do. And that’s the lesson for this episode. There is always something you can do. Even if it’s just… I was talking… because on my side of things, I was talking about relationships, right? Surprise. Big frickin’ surprise, Lia. But I was talking about that when you’re in a relationship with someone, you always have a choice. You can either put up with the behavior that they’re presenting to you, or you can walk away. And we sometimes get really frustrated that like, Man, they’re not doing things how I want, they’re not treating me the way I want to be treated, or I’m not getting the attention, affection, love, whatever from this person. I need to do… like I can’t change it. I just have to keep putting up with this. It’s like, No. 

Kiera:
No.

Lia:

You do not have to keep putting up with it. If someone is going to repeatedly disrespect you, there is always something you can do. You can choose to walk away. That’s something that I parent by 100%. If – and I tell my son, he’s eight now, but he had mastered this at five. It is so important. And also I think he’s a genius, but it’s fine. But, it’s like, what happens if someone’s making you sad, or someone’s doing something you don’t want to do, or somebody’s not, you know, if someone’s bullying. We talk a lot about bullying, because my two fears are that he is going to get bullied or that he is going to be the bully.

Kiera:

Be the bully.

Lia:

And I’m like, what happens if someone is saying something rude or, you know, getting after you? What do you do? Walk away.

Kiera:

Walk away.

Lia:

Walk away. You always have the choice in every scenario to remove yourself from that relationship. Whatever it is. If it’s playground bullies, if it’s boys in your DMs, if it’s baby daddies who are being disrespectful, you always have the opportunity… Kiera’s rolling her eyes at me. Hitting a little close to home there, honey. Always have the opportunity to walk away. Because you can ask, you can cajole, you can cry, and you can be angry, you can blame, you can be frustrated. But really the bliss life in every situation is knowing that you always have an option.

Kiera:

Yep. Walk away, give it time, give it space.

Lia:

Yeah. And know that you're not a victim. That you… everything is your fault. And not in a, Oh shit everything is my fault way, but in a, Oh hell yeah I create my reality and I am in control, and every beautiful, magical, bliss-filled moment of my life is my fault.

Kiera:

Yep.

Lia:

Every kiss that sweeps you off your feet. It’s your fault.

Kiera:

Oh yeah?

Lia:

Those moments.

Kiera:

Oh yeah, those moments, huh?

Lia:

Yeah, those moments. Thank you. That’s the episode.

Kiera:

This is Lia walking away so I don’t say anything more.

Lia:

Um, your Emotional Vibration Ladder. We will find a link to a diagram. There’s also a list of affirmations that you can do if you find yourself in one of these. If you’re in depression, if you’re in anger, if you’re in blaming, if you’re in frustration… there are different affirmations that you can do. I will make sure that we upload a graphic. How about this? We’ll add a link, you can download the graphic straight to your email from the shownotes, so that you can see this Emotional Vibration Ladder. And have the affirmations included. Snag that in the shownotes. We love you all very much. We’ll see ya real soon.

Kiera:

Bye.

Narrator: 

You have been listening to Master Your Bliss Life. Make sure to check out the show notes for any relevant links and follow Kiera and Lia on Instagram and LinkedIn.